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Single parenting is certainly an undertaking requiring
finesse and strategy. And some days, survival is the best to
hope for. Keeping up with the details of daily living is hard
to do, when you're darting here and there, trying not to lose
out
on any part of your child's life. It becomes harder, still,
when we miss out on once in a lifetime events, when we know
there should be some way we could juggle everything a bit
more efficiently.
There is no single formula for successful parenting, but
there are ways to help ease the load of single parenting and
make a few rough days more bearable.
(1) Find time saving ways of accomplishing everyday tasks.
Cook larger portions than needed, especially on weekends
when you might have a little extra time, and freeze extra
portions in individual meal packages. Then, during the busy
and hectic weekdays, take packages out, and heat and serve
your ready-made meals. Run errands all at one time, instead
of coming and going from home to different places around
town, expending your gasoline and your energies. Also, let
the kids help at home. It's good for them, and better for all
of you.
(2) Have a life outside of parenting and your children.
Join a club, have regular workouts at a local gym, take
yourself out to eat or out for a day of fun with your
friends. Allow yourself time at home to be alone, like
enjoying a long soak in the tub, free from phones and other
demands. This might mean enjoying the tub when the kids are
at school, or, you might even hire a babysitter for a couple
of hours. Whatever it takes, find unique ways to keep your
kids occupied that also give you a chance to recharge your
own batteries.
(3) Pay attention to your child - each one individually, if
you have multiple children. Even though parents need a
separate life for themselves, children need lots of attention
and tender loving care. Spend regular quality time with each
child. Hear what they're really saying, and spend fun time
together. Don't wait until your child gets in trouble before
you pull yourself away from your busy life to hear what they
have to say.
(4) Be honest with your child. Though children may not
always need to hear the whole, ugly truth about life, and
about your past (especially in the case of divorce or a
troubled past that resulted in the birth of that child), kids
deserve to be treated with honesty and respect. Answer their
questions in a straightforward manner. Be honest! Kids have a
way of finding things out. Better for you and for your child,
not to mention better for your long-term relationship, that
you be up front with your child from the very beginning. Of
course, care should be taken on how much you say, depending
on the age and maturity of your child.
(5) Let your children become independent people. Don't
shelter them to the point of overshadowing and smothering a
child's independent nature. Give them responsibilities early,
and then expect them to keep up with them. Let a child have a
life outside of you and home, with friends and other families
with whom they can relate. If you have no close adult friends
who can befriend your child, check into the Big
Brother/Sister program. Screen candidates very carefully!
(6) Look for ways to network and connect with others for
support. Join a single parents' group. Form a network
with colleagues and friends. Form a car pool or a parents'
day out, or try a cooperative for buying supplies in bulk to
save each member of the Coop money for their individual
family needs.
(7) Don't be afraid to ask for help. You're just one
parent, and you can't always carry the load alone. Know when
it's time to lean on others to get things done, or for
support to help get you through another trying day. You're no
less a parent when you have to lean on others. Besides, you
may be the perfect person to let another single parent lean
on you, in return.
(8) Don't take yourself too seriously! Learn to have fun
and how to laugh. Find a balance in your life. Life is
serious enough, without parents carrying all of life's
burdens 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Let yourself go. Let
chores around the house go for awhile. Give yourself a break
now and then. After all, you don't HAVE to do it all, all of
the time. Learn to laugh with your child and with your
friends.
Lest this sounds like single parenting is just one giant
nightmare with no end in sight, it is not. Parenting is one
of the most rewarding activities a person could undertake.
Yes, there are responsibilities, and the load grows quite
heavy when carrying it alone. But a child doesn't need
perfection. A child just needs a parent to be there, to love,
guide, understand and protect. Love and Limits. When you put
everything into perspective, the load seems lighter, and the
joys of life and parenting begin to glow brighter than the
responsibilities and tasks of everyday life.
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