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Success has knocked on Rakesh Roshan's doors. It shows in subtle ways. You have to wait those few extra hours to meet Hrithik... get through a tight band of security to approach him... cajole a newly acquired receptionist to let our calls through...and make that extra effort to pin him down!

One balmy afternoon, we decide to meet Hrithik on a whim. On Vidhu Vinod Chopra's sets, we wait for Hrithik to finish his shot. Jackie, also present, when informed of our presence laughs, "Oh, the young girls must have come to meet Hrithik!"

As always, Hrithik looks as cool as a cucumber in a black leather jacket and cotton trousers. And he shows no signs of the ordeal he has recently faced.
"Don't have an ego about calling me back," he says when we inform him of the various calls we've made. "I have been so busy that I am not able to return calls." The film is discussed at length, since this is our first meeting after the release. He appreciates the fact that we liked him in the role of Rohit, the sweet, simple guy of the first half. "Thank God you liked Rohit. Most girls I know, are going crazy about Raj, the stud."

There's a desperate appeal on his face as he says, "But Raj is not me! I don't walk, talk or dress like him! I'm more like Rohit. I find all this very hard to cope with. The other day, I went to Crossroads to promote my film and unthinkingly, wore normal clothes. When I went up on stage, all I heard people screaming was, 'He's fake, he's fake, that's not the real Hrithik'! I apologised and told them this was the way I actually looked, and I was sorry if they were disappointed." It is shocking that he has to apologise to perfect strangers for what he is! The inherent nice guy surfaces when he says, "But you can't blame them! Normal human reaction, is to believe what you see on screen. And they were sweet enough to accept me even after that!"

The reaction he has got from people is astounding, to say the least. How does he feel about the huge wave he is riding? Bowing his head, as if struggling to understand all that he is going through, he says, "It's awkward and embarrassing, when you get up one day and realise that you are everybody's favourite person. I can't handle it. I don't know how to react to it. All I can do at this point, is do my work and not be affected by it all."

Hrithik seems to be sailing on a storm-tossed sea, something he will have to deal with. "This is not the best phase of my life, I can tell you that! I am not complaining but I haven't had a peaceful night's sleep since January 14, when my film released. There is always some tension eating away at me, even when I am half asleep! One day, I was a normal guy and the next, I was stopping traffic at Vile Parle while visiting dad at Nanavati. The hospital authorities had to call in a posse of cops to get things under control. I feel numb, so removed from it all. The hit is a dream come true but the shoot-out was a nightmare I'll have to live with all my life. And I blame myself. It was because of this film that dad landed in the ICU and I nearly lost him. How can I forget that even for a moment? Had my film not been a success, people would have said, 'Bechara, film flop ho gaya', and left us alone. Because it was a huge success, someone out there couldn't accept it and decided to attack."

The shadows are lengthening and we decide to take a break. With his helplessness still ringing in our ears, we head home after planning the next day's meeting. Security ushers us in to his sitting room the next day, at 11a.m.. The room is crawling with people. There's Rahul Rawail waiting to meet Raakesh Roshan, among a lot of unidentifiable people. Raakesh is in a meeting with the Police Commissioner of Mumbai. Amidst all this, Hrithik enters the room and politely greets everyone. We have to sojourn to his guest room since even his bedroom has visitors!

A day earlier, we saw him make an emotional speech at an awards function. Apparently, there wasn't a dry eye in the crowd when Hrithik paid tribute to his father. People are still shocked about Hrithik's decision to quit the industry after the attack on his father. "Wouldn't any normal person have reacted the way I did? The day my father was shot at, I realised how crazy this world has become. My dad worked honestly and hard, to give his wife and family some semblance of luxury and for that, he gets shot? Someone tries to destroy everything he did, just when he had realised his dream? I can't get over the fact that the bullet just missed his heart and that it was done out of malice because he had seen success with Kaho Naa... Pyar Hai."

So he decided to quit the very field he loved and had dreamt of being a part of, because his father was attacked? "Yes, I was ready to give up acting. In those four days, in my mind, I knew I would never be coming back to this profession. I was thinking very seriously about what else I could do, other than act!"
And what then, would he do? "Hrithik Roshan would then be an out of work actor!" Does he feel all this is not worth it? "I am sure it will be worth it all, later. Life has a way of balancing things out. When something good happens, something bad happens. Here, the bad overpowered the good, which makes me believe there will be more good to come."

Will this hotshot guy give the Khans a run for their money? "That's bullshit! These guys have proved themselves over and over again. If Shah Rukh, Aamir and Salman are threatened by a newcomer like me..." he laughs incredulously. "I don't even know how to react to the media's latest game!" After a pause, "I make for a change, so people are talking about me. When they've had enough of me, they'll go back to the Khans," he chortles. For the first time in hours, Hrithik's face sports a wide grin. But ask him if he dreamt of this kind of success and the seriousness returns. "No, I didn't. I got more than I deserved. I was expecting pass marks, not a distinction! I think I'm going to pay heavily for this success. When you get too much, you have to pay back something. Maybe people won't like me too much in my forthcoming films. In Fiza, I play a 14-year-old kid. How will the audience ever relate to me? Of course I grow up later but when I first make my entry, I'm 14."

He admits that he may not come across as brilliantly as he did, in his debut film. "The credit goes to dad for presenting me so well. People say I have vindicated dad, by giving him the biggest hit of his career. I look at it a little differently. Dad has vindicated me by his hard work and his magic. The success has nothing to do with me. You'll have to see my other films to appreciate how hard dad worked to bring out the best in me." The fierce pride in his voice compels you to admit that Raakesh Roshan does deserve a lot of the credit for what Hrithik is today. Sadly, he doesn't seem to have got his due.
Getting comfortable on the bed, Hrithik continues, "I am a little nervous because I signed a few films before my release, out of insecurity. They were wrong decisions. The hardest thing for me all my life, has been to say no to people. I have agreed to do things for people because I didn't want to hurt them. Many senior filmmakers, people who I have looked up to all my life, offer me films. How do I tell them, 'Look, I can't do your film because I know this script will not work'?! Henceforth however, I am going to be honest even if it hurts people, because I can't afford to jeopardise my career. Either I get professional or just sit back and watch my career being destroyed. People will bitch about me and say I've become difficult and starry, arrogant with all the success. But somewhere, I have to look out for myself too...

"In spite of all this success, I'm not having a good time or enjoying it. I have become more stressed, there's less time for everything. What's the point of working so much, if I can't enjoy my life? Take Shah Rukh, Salman, my own father, they just work, work, work... nothing exists beyond that. I am not going to do that. This year will be hectic but after that, I will just do two or three films a year. There's also the fact that you are constantly judged ... How you look, walk, dress. It's crazy!"

"I haven't had a peaceful night's sleep since January 14, when my film released. There is always some tension eating away at me, even when I am half asleep!"


What did his father do that worked for him, that other fathers failed to do for their sons?

"The fact that he made his next film and it happened to star his son! He didn't sit down and say let's launch Hrithik. So many times I complained to him that Amisha had all the emotions, the songs, the comedy. I would plead with dad to give me something, just one scene where I could emote and dad said, 'No, you do all that in your next film. Let me make my film the way I want to'. I worked really hard on the characters in Kaho Na...Pyar Hai because I was so scared people would pass me off as a non-actor. Being cast in dad's next film is a huge compliment. That's proof that I am successful, because dad always told me he would make just one film for me and after that, I would be on my own. He's not the kind of director to compromise on his work just because he wants to help his son out!"

Lunch is laid out on the bed and Hrithik carefully smoothes newspaper on the sheets, to keep them clean. Forking spoonfuls of paneer bhurji, he says, "If I was granted one wish, it would be for a 48- hour-long day! It takes me so much time to prepare for my films. I invest a lot of time and effort in my clothes, my dialogues, the scenes. I have so little time left for my family, for things that I like to do. If I had 48 hours, I would be able to do everything my heart desired!"

Right now, Hrithik Roshan is struggling with a lot of turbulence, with the drastic changes in his life. He is struggling to balance his life out. He still has to come to terms with the fact that he came within inches of losing someone very dear to him. Space is a commodity Hrithik always feared he would lose, once his film was released. And that is exactly what has happened.

"The day my father was shot at, I realised how crazy this world has become."


What were you like in school?
"I was a shy kid, a nice boy. Every teacher's pet. I never did anything wrong... I didn't have fun. At college (Sydenham), I was just the reverse! I hardly attended class. Uday and I would sit and cram together, just before the exams. But I did better in college than I did in school!"

Did you ever bunk?
"I'd bunk all the time in college but never in school. I was blacklisted the year I was in college, for abysmal attendance. Then, I went to the princie (principal), used my charm and got her to allow me to give my exams!"

How late were you allowed to stay up?
"As a kid, I was allowed to stay out only till 6.45 or 7.00, in the evening. At night, we had to be in bed by 10.30. "

Which subjects did you hate in school?
"I detested Marathi and History, because both needed mugging!"

Any school teacher crush?
"None that I can remember, but even if I did have one, it couldn't have been bad!"

Did you try smoking in school?
"Never. I was scared of doing anything wrong and being punished."

Your worst quality?
"My memory. I forget things very easily."

Your fantasy woman?
"Gabriela Anwar. I had a huge crush on her for ever so long. And Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? I thought she was really hot!"

What would you like people to know about you?
"That I have a very short temper and also, that I am a bad dancer. I take a long time to learn certain steps and then I have to work on them a lot."